I'm sorry
by Ronniellefan
Summary: ONE-SHOT. A letter from Ronnie to Danielle on the first anniversary of her death.


**So I got this idea whilst on the bus and thought it would make a great one-shot. It's set a year after Danielle had died and it's just a letter from Ronnie to her daughter. I posted it early because I am away on the actual day. Hope you enjoy it and please review.**

My dearest Danielle,

It's now a year since I held you in my arms, since I heard you voice, saw your beloved face. Nothing has changed from that terrifying night when I realised that I was losing you forever, that me and you weren't going to be together. I had so many things to say, so many things that we could have done together and they were swept away within your last breath.

I never got to say how sorry I was, how sorry I am, for saying those things to you, for treating you so cruelly. You were my baby, _are_ my baby, but I didn't realise until it was too late and for that Danielle I am eternally sorry. I should have never trusted that twisted evil man who you told me was trying to keep us apart; I rack my brain every night and try and find the reason why I didn't believe you and take you in my arms.

I long to hold you baby, my arms feel empty without you. Those few seconds we had together are my most cherished memory; I would do anything to have you back again, to know that you were safe. I love you so much Danielle but I never got to say it to you. You didn't know how much you meant to me, but you meant everything.

I know it's been a year, but I have thought about you every single day; not an hour goes past when I don't think of you and how you struggled to say mum as you took your last breaths. I am your mum Danielle, I should have protected you, I should have held you in my arms and promised everything was going to be ok because that's my job and I never got to do it.

There are thousands of things I want to say to you my baby, my darling, but I never got to say them to your face, I never got to hear your reaction and watch you grow and change. I never got to tell you all my sorrys and regrets over you, I wish I had had the time, I wish you were still here Danielle.

I'm so sorry my baby, so sorry over everything. I wish I had been the type of person you wanted me to be, to be the mother you deserved. If you had told me sweetie, I would have believed you, I would have taken you in my arms, I'm sure of it. Those seven months you were with me, I'll never forget.

It makes my stomach churn thinking of you alone, buried underground. I wish I could be there with you or you here with me. Just as long as we are together. You're my little girl and I failed at been you're mother Danielle and it makes me feel so guilty, knowing the reason you are not here is because of me.

A year ago today, I had nothing but that changed and I had you. I would have always had you, my baby. I'm sorry I let you down and caused this; it makes me curse myself with pain and has done for the last twelve months.

The past year has flown by, and I hope that we will soon be together baby. Part of me is glad that you aren't here to see how crumbled I have become, how weak I am becoming inside. My family hates me, Jack doesn't want to know; I spend my time thinking about what could have been with us, how good we would have been together.

I never meant to replace you before Christmas Danielle, I don't want you thinking that – you are my baby, my darling, my sweet Danielle but I need somebody to fill the ever widening hole in my heart. It started to heal as soon as I found out who you were but when you were so cruelly snatched away from me for the third time, it broke beyond repair.

Knowing what I had said to you, what I had done to you – it made me feel sick, the guilt is still there Danielle. I never meant to hurt you; I was hurting because of losing you. The abortion, the times I threw you out and the awful words that I said to you, I didn't mean them, I didn't. You have to know, I only did those things because I thought I had lost you forever.

I hope you don't think I am rambling my baby, but I have so much I want to say, for you to know, but knowing that you won't read this makes it so much harder. The tears are falling, yes me the 'evil cow' is crying Danielle, I wouldn't care if you called me the cruelest names in the world, if you hit me, if you shouted at me because you are mine Danielle, my baby. It wouldn't matter because I would have you.

I love you Danielle, I love you beyond words, even if I never showed it. You are my baby, my darling daughter. You were perfect Danielle and I was so selfish that I didn't even realise.

I wish I had just one more moment with you my darling, just one more day. I would leave with you and we would be together forever just like we always should be. I am so proud of the person you were Danielle, so perfect and caring and so beautiful.

It's been a year but time must go on, you are never far from my thoughts Danielle and I sleep with Digby every night. Your photo of you and Amy is my most treasured possession and I keep it in my purse and look at it all the time; you pull me through the hardest times my baby.

I know I didn't appreciate you when you were alive as much as I should have done but if I'd have known, if I'd have realised I would have told you every day how much I love you, how much you mean to me and how perfect you are. But I never got the chance sweetie, and never will…

I love you so much Danielle, so much,

My perfect little girl,

Sleep tight,

All my love

Mum x


End file.
